Know Thyself: Initial Steps for a Self-Care Practice
Look around you. From your spouse to kiddos to colleagues and friends, TVs, radio, and social media, all communicating with us on what we should value. It's not surprising that we are sometimes entangled in other people's values. If you don't know yourself, you'll doubt your choices and way of thinking, which ultimately impacts your well-being and happiness.
Ask anyone what their favorite color, sports team, or food is, and the answers would just roll out. But ask, "Do you know what drives you in work and life?" You'd be surprised by how many people don’t know the answer to that question.
Looking at younger me, the significance of knowing myself and my core values didn't cross my mind. I'd get excited trying out new ideas of doing things, but get bored somewhere along the way. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I couldn't practice self-care well if I didn’t know myself. It's funny how easy it is to focus on external things instead of going deep within yourself.
Taking the time to learn about "me" has changed how I perceive myself and the world around me. I know what drives me, and I've learned to trust myself, especially in decision-making situations where I have to listen to my gut feeling. Intuition IQ….off the charts! Each day has been happier and more aligned for me. I can honestly say that I feel like I am living my best life. I am not saying it's been all rainbows and unicorns, but I am more purposeful and fulfilled.
Why is knowing thyself so important?
How you live and feel is often shaped by your personality and values in life. Understanding yourself opens the door to know what motivates you in life and helps you live a satisfying life, both internally and externally.
I have learned to honor myself by living according to the values I hold dear and making sound decisions. If it weren't for knowing myself, I'd have made poor decisions that would have most likely harmed me and hurt others.
It's helped me work on the person I'd like to become and lead a more meaningful life by focusing on what matters most. And no, it doesn't happen overnight. It takes a lot of patience, intention, conscious effort, and self-love. You also have to be honest with yourself.
We all think, act, and behave differently. Some of us may compromise while others choose to argue over petty things. Others crave to be leaders; some fear responsibility. Our different personalities, values, and traits motivate our actions. Hence, the need to dig deeper within and understand what makes us tick. Ready for this wild ride?!? I can promise it will be worth the trip.
The step-by-step process of self-discovery
Step 1: Find your personality type
You can’t talk about self-discovery without talking about personality tests. I first heard about personality profiling tools Enneagram and Myers Briggs on a podcast (there’s also Ayurvedic doshas, Gallup, and Human Design), and thought, "Hmm! I’m curious, let me give it a whirl." I was taken for quite the ride. Not only that, but I dug in real deep and took ALL the tests and even read up on the history of each. The results were harsh and raw, but at the same time, freeing.
Good news! Even though personality testing can be helpful in understanding yourself, you don’t have to live out those characteristics if you don’t like them. Thanks to neuroplasticity, we now know that we can change our brain chemistry.
According to Myers Briggs, I am the Advocate! It's the name given to my personality type, INFJ. Supposedly, I am not just a daydreamer who only thinks about changing the world; I am capable of taking my values and use them to bring positive and lasting change. I am idealistic, organized, energetic (we can talk about this one later), insightful, compassionate, gentle, and dependable. Also, the Advocate values close relationships, focused on the future, and best of all … likes to live a meaningful life. Advocates like me are Taylor Swift, J. K. Rowling, Mahatma Gandhi and Plato. I’ll happily share the stage with those individuals!
But, don’t let the positives fool you; we have our fair share of weaknesses too, like stubbornness, overly high expectations, challenging to know, and dislike confrontation.
Enneagram looks at the sum of all that you are. It doesn’t just put you in a box, but looks at the blind spots, fears, insecurities, motives, desires, and bad habits. I fell in the Type 8 slot with a 7 Wing, the Maverick. In a nutshell, I have a strong, self-reliant, direct, and loyal presence. The downside is, we can be a wee bit controlling, domineering, and rebellious. All sounds about right!
With these tests, you get the insight you need to ignite transformation in your life (if you want it). I know, because it gave me the power to confront my junk and lean fully into who I am as an individual.
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Step 2: Find your core values
Personality tests are very insightful, but it also helps to do a bit of reflecting around your intuition to determine your core values.
Journaling helped me the most when it came to finding my core values. I found that it guided me in the direction of noticing patterns in my life, excavating deeper truths, and learning about my authentic self. Every single day for seven days, I journaled 2+ pages for each prompt (no need to put a limit around the length, though).
Here is how to go about it...
Day 1
Pick 15-20 values you treasure most, maybe some from the list on the right. Whittle it down to 10, then 5 then 3. Listen to your gut and go with what feels right for you. After all, it's all about YOU! Once you reach 3, you’ve defined your core values! Ask yourself if your life is aligned around these values. Are there areas of improvement? What can you do?
And don't worry that you've not picked the "right ones." Values change with time, and it'll become clear what’s important to you as you grow. Remember, baby steps and grace.
Day 2
Think about what each of your top 3 values means to you. Talk about your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Be as specific as possible. Who can you talk to? What will your career look like? What should you stop or keep doing to be in line with your values?
Day 3
Build on what you've written on Day 2. From the core values, create your vision. It helps you create a roadmap of the actions to take and goals to accomplish. Ask yourself what will make you live the most authentic and honest life. What accomplishments will you be proud of?
Day 4
Now, write down your core distractors. Distractions are the pathways to procrastination; believe me, I know. Here, write about everything that demotivates you or gets you into the "not feeling it" zone. Find out if there are more productive distractions to replace the self-distracting ones.
Day 5
Think of the projects you’d love to do that fulfill you. Write your project wish list and the projects you’d wish to stop doing as they no longer add value. Find what’s holding you back from taking on those projects. Ask yourself how you’d schedule or reprioritize your time to do what matters to you and aligns to your values.
Day 6
Describe your decision-making process. What activities will you do to increase your productivity and be more aligned with your values? What routines can you create to support you?
Day 7
Go back to the beginning of your 7-day process and note the progress you've made. Remember, a week is likely too short for making remarkable changes, but hey, it's all about moving forward. Actions speak louder than words, so do what you say you'd do. Make it happen. Evaluate and re-evaluate your life daily.
Also, you can choose to go a different route and:
- Write down 5 or 6 people who inspire you: role models or your most valued connections.
- Think and write down the values they express.
- Finally, pick what speaks to you, and what you'd like to emulate.
Don’t shy away from experimenting and studying yourself. Note what happens if you don’t live according to your values. You’ll learn more this way. I love the saying, “Know your values, know yourself.”
Now, over to you!
What is your personality?
What are your Core-Values? Do you struggle with them?
Come back and let me know what changes you’ve made, and how they have or haven’t worked.
Sometimes, we need a cheerleader or an accountability coach to really make change happen. Want to ensure you do the things you say you’re going to do or have someone to call on when you get stuck? I am your human! I LOVE this work (as you know from my personality characteristics above) and would love to help you get to where you want to go. Shoot me an email, or schedule a free call to learn more about our coaching options.
Questions? Need help? Reach out!
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