Self-Care: Filling Up Your Own Cup
Not so long ago, I associated being busy with being successful. So if my calendar was full of things to do and appointments, I was doing well, right? Wrong! I came to learn that it’s the long road to burnout and exhaustion. I was working 70+ hours a week: worked a full-time job, managed a property, worked part-time at a vineyard, was finishing grad school and juggling the start of my own business.
I was ready to crash by the very early evening…every evening. I have to confess, I drank so much coffee that I should have just opened my own shop. I felt like a chocoholic zombie on repeat.
I didn't realize how close burnout was until my mental health took a hit. Instead of solving problems for people, I would panic with overwhelm. If something unexpected cropped up, I struggled to keep my tears at bay. My sleep pattern was interrupted, and insomnia was a close pal. I got angry at little things, stopped going to the gym, and the Uber Eats driver knew me by name. And, I am not even talking about how my body felt!
As women, we easily fall into a routine of taking care of everyone else and forgetting about ourselves. Your needs are pushed to the bottom of the “to-do” list. I get that coming in last is all part of motherhood and caregiving, but it comes with a lot of sacrifices to our health and mental well-being. Juggling everything takes a toll on our bodies physically, mentally, and emotionally. Eventually, the wound bleeds into our workplaces, families, and our general quality of life. You can't pour from an empty glass.
This is why self-care is so important. So, let’s look at the benefits of self-care.
Why Self-Care?
It Reduces Stress and Anxiety Levels
Do you spend day after day ping-ponging from one task to another? Multitasking, as most say. But, what you should know is that multitasking doesn't exist. You can't do two cognitively demanding tasks at one time. That, my friends, would be task switching. This takes a toll on productivity.
And here's why:
It costs you time. It takes between 5 to 20 minutes to get back into flow state when switching.
You make more mistakes, because you aren't spending your cognitive energy on one task at a time.
You drain your mental capacity because switching steals your focus. (Source: Jim Kwik)
Are you struggling to survive the day, get ahead, and take care of others? It is such a draining mental and physical state to live, day by day. Taking 10-15 minutes of body and mind relaxation will do so much. It will calm you down mentally, help you think more clearly, and you’ll be more rational when dealing with problems.
Better Sleep
Have you had days you feel like a walking zombie? Or tried to sleep, but your mind takes you on a whirlwind of a journey? Incorporating an evening routine will ensure you get to bed on time, and drift off to sleep peacefully.
You need 7-1/2 hours of sleep. Why? Because it takes that long for your cerebral spinal fluid to wash over your brain. This is important because it cleans out all the gunk and prepares you to function optimally the next day.
Here's an example of my evening routine:
Dinner at 5:30 pm - Something nourishing to the brain and body.
Workout at 6:30 pm - No more than 40 minutes for this girl.
Fresh air at 7:15 pm - just 15 minutes of disconnection and nature.
Tie up loose ends with work at 7:30 pm - If I had kids, they would get my full attention here.
All tech off at 9 pm - Blue light keeps your mind from releasing melatonin.
You Get Physically Healthier
Self-care doesn’t only impact your emotional well-being, but physical as well. Sleeping earlier ensures you’re ready to tackle the day. Also, taking in more water flushes out body toxins contributing to a healthy body. Regular exercise also gets your blood pumping, releasing endorphins needed to energize you throughout the day.
What you need to know about exercise...BDNF.
BDNF or Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor. We won’t go into the science of it, but what you do need to know is that it is activated by exercise and is a fertilizer for your brain. So, more exercise = clearer thinking.
Helps You Know Yourself
Today, there are so many people who can influence our values and how we live. We have social media, TV, influencers, friends, spouses, and colleagues, all with different opinions on what’s right or wrong. Practicing self-care ensures we take time to know ourselves and our core values. Our personalities shape us into who we are and how we react to life situations. Take time to go through personality profiling tools like the Enneagram and Myers Briggs. This way, you understand what makes you tick.
So, how do we get from overwhelm to having time for self-care?
I’ll tell you how….. by scheduling your self-care practices. Having a self-care routine or ritual makes all the difference. Here are eight ways to incorporate some self-care practices into your day.
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1. Get Up Early
Robin Sharma calls it the “victory hour”. He starts his day at 5:00 a.m. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Early in the morning, before your little world is up, is likely the only time you can get some peace and quiet. This is the time to do something that nourishes you. Is it exercise? Journaling? Meditation? Yoga? Whatever it is, get into it. You have guaranteed silence and serenity at this hour.
For me, this hour has made me fit, calm, and more intentional in my activities. If you love reading, check out The 5 AM Club and Miracle Morning to further elevate your mornings. Stellar reads!
2. Mid-Morning
I do the bulk of my intense and important work in the morning without a break, which can lead to exhaustion early in the day if not scheduled wisely. This is where my morning break comes in.
Regardless of how hot my plate is, I disengage for 10 minutes at mid-morning. It’s a scheduled routine. I get up, take a walk outside, and breathe fresh air. I always feel re-energized when I get back to work.
3. Afternoon
Just like the morning break, we can’t ignore the afternoon power boost. Taking some downtime provides the fuel we need to focus during the rest of the day.
What do you do to recharge? Depending on where you are and what you love, you can:
Meditate
Nap*
Listen to music
Read for pleasure
Have a cup of tea
Have a chat with a friend
Take a bath
Give yourself a mani-pedi
*Getting a power nap might be tricky for most moms, but you can sneak in 20 minutes of relaxation during kids' quiet time.
4. Night Routine
At times, all you’ll need to engage the night in a calm manner is a yoga pose. If you do it with intention and look at it as something positive, you’ll see the difference and thank me later.
You need to have a peaceful sleep, so bedtime self-care is important before your head hits the pillow.
My advice: avoid depressing news like the plague!
During that time, take a bath, make a gratitude list, do yoga, read a book or talk to your spouse or loved one. These things will help you wind down and have a good night’s sleep.
Other Self-Care Practices for Life Balance
5. Maintain Social Connection
With social distancing being a buzzword now, I’d say practice physical distance, but not social distance. Don’t feel like you’re struggling to swim in the mommy world alone. Keep in touch with other moms and friends. It will give you a mental boost when you know you’re not alone, and you’ve got people that care in your corner.
Nowadays, technology fills the gap, but if you can see someone face-to-face (even if it's 6 ft. apart), GO.
6. Incorporate Variety in Your Day-to-Day
I always say have a variety of spices in life whether it be food or your reality.
If we do the same thing day-in, day out, we’ll go crazy. Spice it up a little. Make your weekday activities vary a bit, and go all out during the weekends.
During the week, have a game night, go for a walk in a different park, take out lunch/breakfast, or have a car picnic. Over the weekend, have a movie night, go for a family walk, have brunch, go for date night, clean up together as a family, or do home karaoke in the evening.
7. Prepare Healthy Meals
Health is wealth.
Eating mac and cheese every day for lunch can be so easy especially when you’re tired. A balanced diet will go a long way in giving you the energy boost you need and a healthy lifestyle. So make a commitment to include proteins and veggies in your meals.
Here are some healthy meal ideas to incorporate in your menus.
8. Get Help
I’ve got to break it to you: there is no super-woman or superman.
We are often overwhelmed because we choose to do it all...on our own.
Use pickup and delivery services to save you time and commute stress. Engage your kiddos and partner to do some chores. Don’t carry the world on your shoulders when you have people that love and care about you ready to help. All you need to do is ask.
The amount of self-care you can fit in your schedule doesn’t matter, as long as you do what works for you. It is okay to start with 10 minutes a day if that is all you have, then build it from there.
Think the smallest, simplest step that will enable you to feel successful. Is that three minutes of exercise a day? One green veggie daily? Once you’ve mastered the small steps, then take bigger ones.
Remember, sustainability comes from making this a marathon, not a sprint.
Here is an inspirational story about Kate who did a complete self-care routine overhaul. I hope it inspires you to do the same.
If you have further questions about my self-care or creating a self-care ritual or routine, feel free to shoot me an email lauren@thebehaviorhub.com.
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