Positive Communication: Try Some Humor
Charlie Chaplin said, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” Personally, I couldn’t agree more!
As parents and educators, there are so many strategies that we use to try and motivate our children to communicate with us. We do our best to ensure we capture their interests, and they participate in our discussions.
We have been going through the disarming communication series over the past 3 weeks. We’ve learned that sometimes we have to let go and maybe “lose” for a relationship to win. If we want to be heard, we have to listen to them first….especially with our kiddos. Respect begets respect.
Feeling like someone listens, understands, and loves us is the core of every relationship and the basis of our being and biology. Anger, irritation, and arguments often come up when we feel unheard. The same applies to children. Show them you’re not listening or their opinion doesn’t matter, they rebel or ignore you.....not a good feeling.
Kids are smart and very perceptive. They watch your body language and observe whether you are talking to them or with them. We’ve seen how you can empower them by offering choices and giving them problems to solve. Today, we’ll see how humor can be used to improve the communication between you and your kiddo while neutralizing the stress response system.
The Role of Humor in Communication
Remember when we talked about parts of the brain? The limbic system and the prefrontal cortex?
Don’t fret! I’ll remind you without getting all science-y.
When a child is defensive, they are using their emotional (or downstairs) brain AKA limbic system. The barking dog is active, and nothing else can be heard. Humor often diffuses the situation and helps a person calm down a bit AKA get back into their wise (or upstairs) brain. And in walks the wise owl or prefrontal cortex, which enables them to think clearly and actually listen.
Humor has been evidenced to:
Add joy and happiness to our lives. After all, laughter is the best medicine.
Generate optimism.
Increase confidence, self-esteem, and enthusiasm.
Reduce stress levels.
Help people enjoy and take part in the playful aspects of life.
Help people handle and accept differences well (their own and others).
Help kids deal with childhood adversities like teasing, changing schools, moving to a new neighborhood, etc.
Develop critical thinking skills, communication skills, and creativity.
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How to Incorporate Humor in Communication
OK, you don’t have to be Kevin Hart, Wanda Sykes, or Ellen DeGeneres for you to use humor as a communication strategy. I am a big fan of comedy, but I can say I am not terribly funny, myself. But that’s sort of the point. While I am not a comedian, I use humor as a teaching tool. And so can you! Adult improv classes help, too. Seriously, I took eight weeks of classes to get more comfortable with being funny, and I actually LOVED it! #therapyforthesoul
Have you ever talked to your child, and they stared at you with glassy eyes, blank expressions, and, at times, eye rolls? In short, they look bored to death or completely annoyed. And they feel like it, too. There is no better way to gain the upper hand than with a light-hearted joke or a twist in words. Even moving your body in an unusual way can do the trick.
The hardest part of this strategy is allowing yourself to be free enough and child-like enough to actually do it. Your kids may laugh at you, but the bond and relationships it builds are invaluable. Plus, the more you do it, the more natural and habitual it becomes.
In our course From Conflict to Calm: Communicating with Challenging Children, we talk all about how you can use jokes, songs, dance, accents, voices, and even objects to incorporate humor in your talks. Check it out and learn all the communication hacks to help your kiddo (and yourself because humor doesn’t benefit just the receiver)!
You’ll get to know the kind of humor to use for the different stages of development of your kids. For instance, toddlers will be more responsive with an unexpected tickle than with a picture of a horse that says moo. Pre-schoolers will get the humor in the picture. Teens...that’s another beast for another day. Ha - kidding! Maybe stick to tech with them. Speak their language.
Where to Draw the Line?
Not to rain on your parade, but NEVER EVER use or encourage off-color jokes or mean-spirited humor. Don’t laugh at hurtful jokes at the expense of someone’s self-esteem. I’ve seen it happen far too often. Also, kids need boundaries when using humor with each other. Explain to them why something isn’t funny when they cross the line.
All in all, laughter is free therapy - take advantage of it!
Try using some humor when talking with your kiddos, then comment below how it felt. Did it lighten the situation? If you need help, I’m ready to answer the call!
Questions? Need help? Reach out!
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