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I remember a teacher telling me that they wished there was a weather app to predict their children’s emotions. Something like, “Today, the class will be partly cloudy with a 70% chance of moody and angry preschoolers.“ That way, they can wake up prepared to face the day.

Don’t we all wish for something like that? Sorry to break your heart as developers haven’t come up with that innovation...yet. The good news is, there are so many ways to teach kiddos how to regulate their emotions and equip them with coping skills to deal with strong emotions.

Sometimes we may feel like we are "over our heads" when it comes to helping kids calm down. Not only that, kids pick up the frustration, stress, and changes in the energy of the adults around them. It's not our intention to throw kids in a panic mode, but it happens thanks to the lovely little things called mirror neurons.

Also, while it may be much easier to label anxious kiddos as "worrywarts", child anxiety issues need to be addressed ASAP. Child anxiety is a red flag to problematic coping skills, or lack thereof, in the future. To help, I dug out my mindfulness toolkit and chose one of my best tools to help your kids calm down. Heck, adults should use it too!

What is Progressive Muscle Relaxation?

Well, I call it "Tense and Relax" when teaching children, so it doesn't sound like some type of medical voodoo.

It is a deep relaxation technique used to release stress and extra energy. Here’s how it works: panic or anxiety manifests in the form of energy pulsing through our bodies. Why not give the energy somewhere to go and channel it outside the body?

Progressive muscle relaxation is a two-step process. One, tensing a group of muscles and holding them tight. Two, releasing the hold leaving the muscles relaxed as the tension flows away. Hence the name "Tense and Relax".

You’ll need to start by helping kiddos understand how their body reacts when they are worried, angry, or upset. What are the physical signs? It's the only way for them to recognize stress and tension in their little bodies. Have a conversation on how you both feel when you're angry. Does your heart beat fast? Tight muscles? Funny feeling in your stomach? Racing mind?

For younger kids, I love using spaghetti noodles to demonstrate tense and relaxed muscles. Uncooked spaghetti is rigid, while the cooked one is relaxed and wiggly. You can ask them to illustrate the difference between the two to experience this in their bodies. Have them stand straight and stiff like the uncooked spaghetti noodles, then act floppy like the cooked ones. It will help them better understand what you mean by tense and relaxed muscles.

Before giving you the "Tense and Relax" script, let's first go through the best practices.

Tips for Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Practice

It's never a good practice to teach children when they are in the heat of the moment. Their thinking brains are far from accessible. Instead, set a regular schedule for them to practice muscle relaxation when they are calm. Practice will enable them to recall when they are upset. It's an excellent exercise they can associate with giving them a sense of peace and tranquility.

Have a customized script

There is no right or wrong script for muscle relaxation. As long as it works for your kiddo, go for it. They don't want to stand or lie down? Let them sit. They don’t want to work on all body parts? Then just tense and release the body parts they are comfortable with. Repeat the process until they are calm. Adding an element of fun and humor also helps.

Talk about it

Encourage your kids to talk about their feelings. Let them know you are listening by acknowledging what they tell you. Don’t always rush to solve the problem, but ask them what they would like. The bottom line, let them know they can rely on your help. This helps make their uncertainty and scary thoughts, well, less scary.

Now, let’s get into the script.

Lights, camera, action!

I love starting with a relaxing breathing technique before getting into progressive muscle relaxation. You can start there, as well.

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Progressive Muscle Relaxation Script for Kids