4 SUPER Easy Steps to Create a Calm Down Space for Kiddos
Have you ever had moments when you wanted to shut the whole world out and have some quality alone time?
I know. I’ve felt that, too. And it’s fine. Actually, more than fine. It’s totally normal. We all have those days when we need a bit of zen, silence, and solitude to get through.
Guess what? Kiddos have those days and moments, too. The only difference is they don’t know what they are going through because their emotional brains aren’t developed enough to comprehend or understand.
I think we can all agree that parenting and educating can be challenging. Getting too upset or too excited happens more often than we’d prefer. Kids are consumed by big emotions, and they don’t know how to regulate them yet. However, they can show us by crying, hiding under the table, stomping their feet, throwing a book, or tantruming.
Introducing a calm down area is one of the many ways to help kids cope with their strong feelings, which is why it’s something we recommend all parents and educators create.
What exactly is a calm-down space though?
I’ll tell you what it is NOT…..A TIMEOUT!
Why? Because timeouts are used as a form of punishment. This isn’t punishment. It’s meant to be a preventative measure to use before a child escalates to an out-of-control state.
It’s a space of calm, peace, and relief, which is why I like to refer to it as a chill-out corner, zen zone, or safe space. It’s a space you go to cool down or take the edge off. A place to be able to remove yourself to, to get away from the heightened energy.
So, it has to remain relaxing, calm, quiet, and welcoming enough for your child to retreat to whenever they feel distressed. Your child should want to be there, want to go there.
With that in mind, we aren’t forcing them to go to this space - remember, it’s not a timeout. We also aren’t requiring them to stay for a specified amount of time. No 3 minutes for 3-year-olds, 4 minutes for 4-year-olds, and so on. They need to start to recognize their emotional state and when it’s neutralized. They aren’t doing that when they are waiting for a timer to go off or for someone to come excuse them from the space.
The goal of a calm-down space
The goal is to help kids understand it’s okay to take a break to feel better or clear the mind and refocus. You're helping them learn to be responsible for their own emotions by inviting them to use this space over forcing them to go to it.
It’s not "abracadabra-bim-bam-boom" and they get it. They’ll need to be explicitly taught how and when to use the space. Not only that, but they’ll need to practice using it when they aren’t upset. Why? Because they can't access their logical brains when they’re upset and can't tap into memory where they store the sequence for accessing the space.
I recommend teaching and practicing this sequence:
Pretend to get upset.
Talk out loud about needing to use the space and why.
Model going there, what to do while there, and how to come out.
Then, have them do it with you.
Finally, have them try it on their own.
We call this gradual release of responsibility. “I do, we do, you do.” They might also need to be prompted to use the spot at first, but eventually, they’ll seek the space themselves.
The goal remains the same at home, as well. Your kiddo should go to their safe-zone before you intervene or with a minor and neutral prompt. You might say something like, "Your body is telling me it's needs a break."
KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A PUNISHMENT OR TIME-OUT AREA, if I wasn’t clear on that already. There's a clear distinction between the two.
Now, push up those sleeves, and let’s get that cool-down spot created!
Steps to create the perfect peaceful corner.
1. Pick the location: Anywhere that is quiet and empty. It can be a tent, a big box, or simply a cozy corner of a bedroom or classroom. If you think you don’t have the space for that, relax. A nook under the staircase or space inside a wardrobe will be just fine. The biggest thing to note is that it needs to be away from the chaos and noise.
2. Get the right pieces of furniture: Pillow, beanbag, your kiddo’s chair - all soft things, though.
3. Include some type of soft or natural lighting, if possible. If not possible, include cooling, calming colors like blues, grays, and greens.
4. Add sensory needs items - things to engage all senses: sight, smell, hear, touch, and taste. Some examples might be playdoh, a rainstick, soothing music, calming books, textured squish balls, or crunchy (and healthy) snacks.
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What other items might you include?
Short answer...YOU know what works best for your tiny human.
But, if you are looking for some inspiration, here are some self-soothing items.
FAVORITE TOY
I always loved hugging my favorite stuffed animal (or football...haha - there’s a story to that one) to self-soothe. It was my snuggle buddy when sleeping, too. Something about that soft, plush thing fulfilled all my sensory and calming needs.
Whether it’s a car, stuffed animal, action figure, a teddy, or even a Linus blanket, that tangible thing helps to self-regulate and ground our wild brain.
Teach them how to breathe in, hug tight, breathe out and relax. Ask them to repeat this cycle until they are calm.
EMOJIS/PICTURE CARDS/EMOTIONS CHART
Having visual cues helps your kiddo develop a vocabulary around feelings and build empathy. They need to know there’s more than just happy and sad. You’ve got The Emoji Movie and Inside Out characters to help.
They can feel frustrated, anxious, embarrassed, jealous, annoyed, nervous, or ashamed. Think about emotions in terms of a hierarchy of feelings. Infuriated is very different from angry. If you’re stuck, check out this emotion list resource to give you ideas. Thank you, Brene Brown! Know that understanding their feelings is the first step towards regulating them.
BOOKS
Books act as a distraction even to adults. With kids, I like to have books that relate to the emotion they are experiencing or books that hold calming images such as forests, beaches, or deserts.
Are they angry? When I am Angry or A Little SPOT of Anger: A Story About Managing BIG Emotions (Or this great box set!)
Worried? Mindful Bea and the Worry Tree
Anxious? Please Explain Anxiety to Me!
Also, coloring books, crosswords, mazes, blank sketchpads, find-a-words, Rubik cubes, or Sudokus work like magic. This is because the brain is disorganized and when you do an organizing activity, it puts you back into a regulated state. Ever wonder why you resort to cleaning when overwhelmed or stressed?
CALMING JAR
AKA mind/sensory jars. They are awesome calming tools for kids. These jars contain a liquid solution with some floating materials to create a visually soothing experience.
The good news is you can DIY them. You can use baby oil, liquid handwashing soap, or glitter glue. Then add glitter, sequins, beads, some water, and voila!
Not into the DIY? Rainsticks, singing bowls, and gel timers work just as well.
FIDGETING TOY
Fidgeting toys have a way of taking your mind off whatever is bothering you.
Some kids like fidget spinners, stress balls, and other fidget toy sets. Bubble wrap or paper to rip can also serve the same function.
Find the things that calm your child’s mind and body. The activities that make them feel safe, secure, and grounded. It’s going to take a bit of trial and error, but keep tweaking until it works. At times, what used to work won’t work anymore because kids grow out of things. It happens, so you’ve got to find something new.
With any new skill, it takes time and practice. Commit and hold strong even when it feels like it’s not working. Good things rarely come easy.
Are you planning to set up this chill-out spot? Let me know how it’s going! Or……if you have one already, we’d love to hear your experience or see photos/videos! Comment below!
Don't know where to start? We've got you covered!
Our coaching sessions will help set up this area and teach how to use it effectively. Have other behavior-related needs? This is our JAM - we'd love to support you. Learn more HERE!
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Eager to see what you all create!
Happy designing!
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