Improve Communication by Giving Kids Choices

Season 2 - Episode 12

Communication is a two-way street. As we talk with kiddos, we are also teaching them how to talk with others. When it comes to teaching kids communication skills, the younger the better! 

Lauren discusses the second of her “7 Disarming Communication Tactics” in this episode: the “Choices” Strategy. Part of this strategy is giving your kiddo choices and being involved in the decision. This option gives them a chance to be in control of the situation instead of being told what to do. The body’s stress response system REALLY likes that! 

While this is not a new idea, the key thing to remember is…..the choices need to be fair and motivating to the child, not just choices that you/the adult think of. Let them be part of the process in coming up with the choices! 

Reasons why this Strategy works:

  • Having choices can greatly reduce the “power struggle” with kids.

  • Kids gain a sense of control.

  • Kids feel heard, like they matter, and their opinion counts.

  • Choices force them to think and weigh their options.

  • Choices are an opportunity to learn and to take pride/ownership in their choice.

When kids feel heard and valued, it improves their self esteem and feelings of self worth. Another reason why good communication is a win-win! 

Another important item….. timing.  In order to make a choice, the child needs to access their Thinking Brain. If a child is stuck in their Emotional Brain (tantrum, breakdown), they cannot access their Thinking Brain. Therefore, they can’t make choices at that moment. 

Remember –
When making changes like this, give both yourself and your kiddos some grace. YOU are learning a new “language”, and THEY need time to understand it. 

Mentioned in this episode:
Pneumonic for the 7 Communication Tactics: SCHWINF

Lauren answers this week’s listener question during the episode:
How do we calm kids when they insist they cannot be calmed?

Try-at-home tip: Less in your space is more clarity for the mind. (Declutter and minimalize.) 

Other related resources from The Behavior Hub:
Blog Post:
Improve Communication by Giving Kids Choices
Positive Communication: Give Children a Problem to Solve

Podcast:
Why Behaviors Occur - The 5 Needs Areas

Our Online Courses:
From Conflict to Calm: Communicating so kids listen the FIRST time 
From Wild Emotions to Tamed Feelings – How to Self-Regulate (5 Needs Areas)

Are you struggling with behaviors and not sure where to begin? Let me help!
Schedule a free discovery call and let me be your Guide.

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CommunicationLauren SpigelmyerCommunicationComment