Improve Communication: Information instead of Instructions
From the time kids are born, warm, gentle, and responsive communication is significant for them to feel secure and safe. It’s also what builds the relationship between kiddos, their parents, caregivers, and educators. Their skills and growth development are pegged on them being secure, safe, and in a solid relationship with those adults in their life.
We have to talk with our kids every single day. But, let’s face it, most of us run tight schedules. Having conversations with our kids is done lightly, so we can move to putting out the next fire on our “To Do” list. There is nothing wrong with a light conversation, but sometimes kids need us to tune everything out and really listen to them.
Your child won’t be outright about it, but you have to put it upon yourself to probe how they’re feeling. It’s not only for you to understand their emotional state, but also to strengthen your relationship. As a result, your kiddo intuitively knows that you care, since you intentionally took time to talk with them.
This is why we have taken a few weeks to learn about how to effectively communicate with our kiddos. We’ve seen how to use body language, humor, the “I see” strategy, and the ”One-Word” strategy.
Today, we’ll dive into how we can effectively give information to our kids to get them to listen the first time.
Information vs. Instructions: The Difference
Information is equipping your child with facts about something or someone. Giving them knowledge on something. For instance, you find dirty clothes all over their bedroom floor. You let them know that dirty clothes belong in the laundry basket.
On the other hand, instructions are about telling your child what to do. There is no option to say no. Just a straightforward, “Pick your clothes from the floor… now.”
You might ask which is better. Instructions or information?
Well, a mix of the two is always the best. Instructions are important for safety purposes, and they also prepare your child for school. However, too many instructions make them want to rebel. This approach takes away all their power and control. We don’t want that, because it activates stress.
Information gives them a sense of control. It guides them without telling them.
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How to effectively use the Giving Information Strategy
When it comes to giving information, the delivery method is just as important as the information itself. You want kids to understand the message you’re communicating and act on it.
Here are some tips to help you present information to your kiddos in a way they will hear and comply.
Be clear and direct: Use clear statements, not questions. Go with, “Dirty clothes go to the laundry basket.” Don’t ask, “How many times do I have to tell you to put your clothes in the laundry basket?”
Move closer to them: Remember when we spoke about the use of body language when communicating with your child? It comes in handy here, too. Don’t shout at them from across the room. Come near them, and be close before giving information.
Use age-appropriate information: Speak with your kiddo using the language level they understand. If they are young, keep it simple and use words they are familiar with. Also, when they are older, don’t use the same language. Acknowledge they aren’t babies anymore. You don’t want to be patronizing.
Issue one piece of information at a go: Information overload is real and more so with kiddos. Don’t give a series of information statements. One thing at a time.
Give them time to process: Once you’ve told them something, give it a few seconds. Watch and wait before repeating it. This helps them learn to listen. If you keep repeating yourself, they don’t listen because they know you’ll repeat it over and over again.
We dive deep into the “Giving Information Strategy” in our From Conflict to Calm: Communicating with Challenging Children course. Check it out to see real-life examples of how you can use it to effectively communicate with your child and get them to listen the first time.
Try using Information instead of instructions with your kiddos. Come back and let me know how it goes! And if you need more help, I am here anytime.
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