Can Play REALLY Help You to Regulate?

Season 4- Episode 51

In this episode, Lauren explores the concept of play as a powerful tool for nervous system regulation. While we often associate play with childhood, she reminds us it's just as vital for adults. Whether you're playing with your kids, goofing around with friends, or engaging in creative or physical activities, play helps shift your brain out of a reactive state. It stimulates feel-good chemicals, calms the body, and promotes connection.

Lauren highlights that laughter, often a byproduct of play, isn't just fun—it’s therapeutic. It can reduce cortisol levels, lower blood pressure, stimulate the vagus nerve, and act like a reset button in times of stress. She breaks adult play into four categories: movement, creative, social, and solo play, encouraging us to consciously find space for it in our lives. Whether you're dancing, painting, joking with a friend, or simply getting lost in a hobby, play is a nervous system superpower we all have access to.

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Lindsey Gurk
365 Days of Art
Wreck This Journal

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Transcript:

Lauren Spigelmyer:

“I am excited for this episode because people are gonna maybe see the title, or like what, but playing as a form of regulation. And when I say playing, I mean, like childlike playing and laughter, to help bring your nervous system back into a state of balance. So you don't feel as stressed, so that you feel more connected to yourself, but also maybe to your kids or to your family, or to your partner, and even get to have a little bit of fun along the way. I feel like I love this topic because I resonate with it so much. I'm such a logically minded person.I really struggle with creativity and creation and play. And I think part of it's because I'm a very type, a like organized perfectionistic type. And some of those creative acts. I feel like I don't know where to start, because if I start, then I'll mess up, and it won't be how I want it to be so. I just better not start to begin with, but I have done so much work in that arena. But a lot of how I combated that perfectionistic behavior and like existence, and really started to heal my nervous system, was through through play and naturally through play. When my my kiddo became old enough to like interactively play with, which is 2 and a half. Now. So like, we're really interactively playing now. But it's hard when you don't have kids around you, or you don't have your own kids. And if you do, you feel like you have so many adult based things to do that you're like. I don't have time for play one. Our kids need us to be there to play with them. There's generally a lot of research around attachment, bonding and just childhood happiness and reduce stress and connection when parents play with their kids. But we just need to play in general. And if you don't have kids or access to kiddos like, just play with other adult humans. And so let me kind of go into and explain more of what this means to play as an adult. Because if you don't have kids, you all probably are like, what is this woman talking about? Okay. But think about this like, just in your mind picture if you don't have kids. When is the last time you really played like full on lost track of time, we're like fully immersed into like a flow state of like play, humor, laughter. just play, I mean, I can think of sometimes around like sports that I might have. But like pre-child. I'm like. I don't know. I like literally cannot think of a time where I was like, just around adults. And we were just like belly laughing, or just like doing a lot of play based things or games. I'm like sitting here like I'll put myself on the spot like I really can't think of anything. But if you know I I know I'm not alone in that. I know that other people are like. I don't know either. Your nervous system is craving it like begging for it. So know that play is just, it's not just for kids. And it's easier to do with kids. But we really need to be intentional, mindful, aware of how to bring play into adult situations, even work-based situations, if we can, because it's a biological necessity. It's a literal way for us to that. We're wired to reset. connect, and regulate.

So, that's what we're talking about today, how to achieve a nervous system regulation and balance through play. So you feel better and feel less stressed.

Okay, so let's talk 1st about why play a little bit of science first.st So bear with me. Why is why? Why, play is like a beautiful nervous system regulator. And that's because our nervous system has kind of 2 settings. We've talked about this in previous episodes, the window of tolerance. And you leave the window of tolerance and you go into the fight flight, or you go down to the Parasympathetic side to the freeze fun. And then, outside of those 2 dysregulated states, it has this middle tier, which is your zone of regulation, which is a regulated or zone of tolerance, which is also a zone of regulation. Ha! When you are regulated, when you are feeling safe, and you're feeling social and social desire to be social and socially connected and engaged and cooperative. You can achieve those flow states play especially humor. I talk about humor a lot when I talk about working with schools or kids, or just any field humor gets you out of the upper or lower tier and brings you back into that window of tolerance. It brings you back into a regulated state, so you can say, like humorous, maybe part of play. And you're often probably laughing when you're playing. But just play play is one of the fastest ways to shift you out of a stressed out, chaotic, dysregulated state into a safe state, a connected state, a regulated state. How's the work? Play signals to your brain? All these things are going in your brain tells your amygdala like, we're safe. calm down. We're laughing. We're moving. We're being creative or even maybe moving our bodies or with other people we're connecting. Turn off my stressed out state, turn off my like reactive state, and just allow me to feel calm. Just allow me to to be at peace, and doesn't even need to be calm like still calm, just like calm as in not stressed calm, it also simultaneously. What's going on in your body and brain is your your emotional parts in the limbic area are kind of like shutting off, not only turning off, they're just calming down. And simultaneously. Your body is releasing all of these feel-good chemicals, dopamine. oxytocin, the love chemical because you're connecting with other people specifically, when you're in a play-based setting. Lots of endorphins, all of those things help you to feel connected and to feel grounded which help you to regulate. There's also a lot of science behind laughter itself, like humor, laughter, things like that. And usually when you're playing. they're usually laughing, and there are some creative outlets that you may not be laughing like you're making pottery. You may not be laughing. I would be laughing because I would be laughing at myself, and how horrific my pottery is. But we get better at doing these things the more we do them. So like. If I were using pottery making as a form of play. I would get better at making pottery the more I do it. If I were struggling at making time or enjoying play based activities, I would get better at it the more that I do it. So sometimes. So like an interesting thing that I I share that some of you may or may not resonate with, but sometimes we'll start laughing, or or people or kids will start laughing even at like the worst time, or like the wrong time like, do we see these people like sometimes? Yes, it relates to some psychological things that are going on that lend themselves to personality disorders. But there, there are times when our body responds with something like laughter when it's not necessarily appropriate, not because we're unwell, because it's our body's way of offloading stress. So if something happens and the response is laughter when it seems like laughter is inappropriate because it's almost like a subconscious response to like by way of experience, this, or seeing it like I subconsciously feel stressed. So my body is subconsciously going to bring laughter into play here without me even really doing it to help me feel less stressed. It's it's a strange thing that your brain does. But I have experienced this myself where I'm like, why do I feel like I'm why, why am I laughing right now like this is not funny. But I I realize now it's just was my body's way of saying like, No, it's not funny. It actually was really stressful. And as my body's way of like naturally dealing with it, I I like impulsively left.

So here's laughter's impact one, it stimulates or activates the vagus nerve. Which is this like mega nerve. It's like the superpower nerve like the supercharged nerve. And yeah, we want to activate this when we're feeling dysregulated because it sends signals to rest of the parts of the body to chill when we laugh. It also hits that limbic area, and it lowers our cortisol. It lowers our blood pressure, and it tells us, tells the body sends signals to the body to chill out. It also increases social connection, which is why play is a key regulator for the nervous system. It's almost like laughter and accessing laughter and humor and play. It's like a built in reset button, I mean, even, I think about sometimes appropriate, sometimes not depends. It's so nuanced. But sometimes when my child is in a bit of distress. I'm not like injured distress, but like irritability, distressed, and I can tell his nervous system is dysregulated. Sometimes I will be funny, I'll add, in elements of humor. to get him to comply like I'm trying to. I did so many times in the last couple of days. I'm trying to think of an example. I can't get a shoes on. I make a shoes. Talk is just like not wanting to put his pajamas on post bath, and like, I like, turn into mommy monster and chase him around and pretend to eat his belly or eat his toes. yeah, they're they're very childlike ways of playing and having fun. but they're they're resets. They literally reset him and get him to comply almost every time almost instantly. So even if you this makes you laugh a little bit, just thinking about it. But even if you fake, laugh. it tricks your body's nervous system into thinking it's safer, and and it regulates, based on your fake laughter. I mean, think I'm crazy. Go ahead and like, pause this give out like a big belly laugh or a couple of laughs, and then just afterwards check with yourself and see how you feel. Guaranteed you. If you're honest with yourself, I do actually feel a little bit better, or a little bit happier or a little bit calmer. So laughter of any sort play of many kinds. Let's talk about what would play look like for adults, because I think it's easy to think about again playing with kids. I don't. I'm doing more play than I ever have, but it's because I have a 2 year old. If I have a 2 year old, I really have to be intentional about integrating more play into my life.

So let's go into 4 types of play. Let's go into movement based play, creative based play, social play. And then solo play.

So the 1st one is movement based play. So this could be something like dancing or charades, or playing tag with your kids, or doing like Yoga in a funny way, like Goofy Yoga poses. All of this movement not only helps to like discharge stress, but when you move, your blood circulates better. When your blood circulates better, it carries oxygen to your brain. Why does anyone care? Or why does it matter? Because when oxygen is in your brain, you have more oxygen. There you think more clearly, and you stay calmer versus less oxygen. The brain, like things, are tense and tight and reactive. That's not what we want. So any type of movement based. Funny, interactive. Anything like that super helpful. I know a lot of those like Goofy Yoga playing tag with kids. Those are more kid based. So we're talking more adult based. Think dancing in your kitchen and think dancing in your car, singing in the shower, like all of those are kind of movement based play based. Improv. Oh, my gosh, improv is such a good one. and a lot of you will feel really uncomfortable, probably with going to an improv class. They're probably maybe some virtual ones. I went to an in person one, and I did not want to go to it. I only went to it because I wanted to work with a woman who was running it, who is an acting coach. I hate acting. The only reason I want to hire her is, I want to get better at speaking, and someone told me that if I hired an acting and voice coach that they could help me with speaking when I 1st started getting into public speaking, because I was horrified, terrified, shaking. I need to help for someone to train me how to do better with that she's like. I won't train you until you take my improv class. I'm like, Oh, heck! No like skin crawl, just thinking about it. But I did, and I loved it so much. I went back for a second round. So step into discomfort, maybe, and go to a series of improv classes, and you'll find that that movement based play is like, really funny and really good for your system.

Which kind of leads us perfectly into creative play. Certainly Improv could be a form of creative play, but I'm thinking, more like doodling, conscious, streaming, journaling. It could be improv games, not like an improv class, but improv games it could be making up silly songs like, there's a a woman online thought. I'm encouraging anyone to spend more time on social media. But Lindsay Girk. she's based out of Pennsylvania, I think, Philly, not Philly. Pittsburgh. Maybe I don't know. That's true. Anyhow, she does parodies, and she takes really common well-known songs, and like writes funny parodies to them like she wrote something about postpartum that I thought was so funny and so true, so making up silly songs. I think that's 1 i really I can't sing, but I like the thought of making up like a parody ghost song. Building something with your hands, pottery, painting, sculpting sandcastles, cooking. I've been trying to get more creative with cooking. And again, this like, it's easy for me to do because I have a child, but I don't mean more creative in cooking, like as in making different types of meals, so to say, which I would also love to do. But I've been trying to get creative in cooking in, in like organizing, laying out visually ways to get my toddler to eat food. Just really, picky. And I'm like, Okay, like, get some come up with some creative ways to get him to eat food like the way that food is presented or the way that I cook food or like design it that makes it something recognizable or something fun or more creative. And that really works well. So creative plays is pretty open.

 Number 4 is social play. So this could be like my 1st place my brain goes to is like a board game night, or like a board game restaurant, which, if you're not in a larger city, you may not have access to like a board game restaurant somewhat of a common thing, but I know. Here in Phoenix we have one. I don't remember what it's called. I think it's called like boards, and it's not called boars and beards, boars, boards and beers. But it comes to my mind I don't remember what it's called, but it's it's something like that. Anyhow, it has like hundreds of games. So what you basically do is you check in. It's a coffee shop. If I'm bored, they get a bar in the afternoon or evening. So you you check in you get a table. You can order food, you order coffee, you can order, drink, and you go pick a game, and you can keep playing through games with your partner, your family, your friends, whoever you take to this place so like. What a beautiful concept! But even if you don't have an option like that. No matter where you live, there's probably like a coffee shop or restaurant. Take a game to the restaurant I have. I remember, eons ago going on dates wasn't the 1st date. I want them to think it was that weird 1st date. But I remember oh, the Pennsylvania Dutch coming out at me taking the game card game called Dutch Blitz, and I would take it to the restaurant and we would play Dutch Blitz while we were waiting for the food, or after we were done with the food, or having the food or whatever. But it was a weird thing I did, but it was so fun. I don't know even know that that would lead to like a really great date experience, because it's hard to be like upset or too logical, or like ruminating on thoughts when you're too busy laughing and playing a a game. Other social play could be again improv would fall into that category. Improv it's kind of like hits, all the categories it hits movement, it hits creative. It hits social. Jokes, reading jokes, creating jokes, telling jokes. But there's like a dual regulatory benefit of play when it's also in social settings, like social play, we got like a double benefit it also helps us to co-regulate. So co-regulate is when you're around another person who is regulated or is attempting to regulate, when and if they are regulated, your brain and body kind of tries to match that state, so that co-regulation is really good. If you meet with someone who is extremely dysregulated, could make you a little bit less regulated, or, if you are good at like controlling your empathy, you might be able to help them regulate. So it just depends. But good for all. Usually most times, unless your other parties are really in the thick of something hard, which again still good to meet with them. Just being mindful of your state and what you need and their state. And who brings what to the table?

Okay. Last, one solo play you do not need sub one to play with to enable a play based activity. You could. Oh, my gosh! There's so many things like if you're with you could jump on a trampoline like by yourself. I have jumped into pools like I don't know why. I just. I love diving boards and and flipping around and like on the in the lake, on the boat, like jumping off the lake, or wake, surfing or wakeboarding or tubing. All those things are our play now. They're not necessarily all solo play, but solo jumping on trampoline solo jumping in a pool that could be a form of solo play. Even something like solving puzzles, word puzzles, crossword puzzles, sudoku puzzles. I don't know whatever it is. You could even dance in your kitchen or talking funny voices again if someone were listening, though I think you're absolutely out of your mind, but to yourself, in your own home, when there's no one around could be like a funny, funny thing. I have never personally talked to myself in an accent before that I can think of only for kids to get them to laugh, which works really well. But I don't know. It might be worth worth giving it a shot. I have no idea. Either way. Solo play is just something that you can access, that maybe one of the creative play options as well, maybe a movement based play activity, but just something that you are doing on your own to, I know here's a good one. This is a great one. There are 2 books they bought one adult coloring books. That's solo play. You could also do like adult Legos. There are all these new Lego design packets, things that are that are for adults, that one does not intrigue me at all just feels like stressful and something I want to avoid and just something I have no interest in, but no judgment to those that do love that because that's a good form of play. Oh, I thought, oh, I have a book that's like 365 days of art. It's almost like a an interactive journal, but it has different art based things that you can do as an individual in the book like. And there's 1 for kids called a record Journal, which is another good one to do. I mean you as an adult could use the record journal, too. So those are all forms of good solo play. Okay. if play feels like awkward or pointless or silly. And you're like, I don't really resonate with this one. That's probably a sign that your body needs it more than do you think. And you're also not alone because we all kind of feel this way. So many of us are taught that play is like something extra. You do when you have extra time which most of us don't have something you do, and everything else on your list is checked off definitely. Not. It's what like refuels you to be able to do the rest of things on your list. But that's like saying breathing is optional like it's not like you really need. I know you won't live without. I know you won't live with the without your breath. But arguably, if you don't integrate play and laughter and humor and regulation into your life. you're going to die, too, because your cells are going to die off faster when they're going to regenerate. I know that's really that was really blunt, but it's true. Integrate more play to just get yourself in a better space in terms of your your nervous system.

Okay, last thing is just ways to introduce play. Some people are like, you know, we do learn like, take a whole day to just like play. I mean, yeah, great. That's like the Sabbath. Just start small. Just do like 3 to 5 min of doesn't need to be daily weekly. Do 3 to 5 min weekly, then more. Move towards a couple of days, then move towards daily, if you can, or 5 days a week, or 7 days a week, or just the weekend, I don't know just anything's better than nothing. So start small. follow your own curiosity like, what did you like to do as a child? Those things probably still ring true today and try a more adult version of that. This one's for me let go of perfection. Play is supposed to be messy and silly and unproductive. My perfectionistic type, a people. We need this, let go of perfection.

Okay, your nervous system thrives on play and humor and laughter. It is a shortcut to achieving balance. What is one playful thing that you could do today. Try something new, get comfortable with being uncomfortable, get comfortable with not being a perfectionist, and just go do the thing.

Not gonna give you a try at home, Tip, because they give you many tried at home tips, all of those different play-based strategies.

If you were looking for more support in the areas of stress trauma care, brain nervous system. And you're looking for support in organizational levels like business employees call company culture employee wellness. Dr. Jessica Doring and I started an organization called 5 Ives, where we go in and we work with organizations at large, typically organizations that are helping organizations like organizations that serve other people or work with different populations of people. For example, police medical field nonprofits, education, people serving people. And we go in there, and we help frontline staff and leadership and the whole collective boards. If you're a nonprofit and we kind of take the temperature of where the stress level is the nervous system level is of, like everyone through the whole organization. And then we implement programming to get everyone into a more regulated state, because what happens when people are in a more regulated state one, they come to work, they show up, they aren't absent. They don't quit their jobs. You retain staff people are more productive, they're more happy with life overall, and it's just easier to thrive, grow, be productive, build the organization, and keep it, keep it flowing. So if you want to learn more about Eddie of that 5 ives.com FIVE, IVES ping us, we'll set up a call. We'll talk about what we do and how it can integrate into the work that you do to help either you or your whole organization to just get to a place of thriving, and don't forget to log in what you learned by applying it right away. Thinking about this, putting action to place finding an accountability. Buddy having someone listen to this episode talking about it with someone just like taking some actions of just passively listening. And until next episode. I am Lauren Spiegelmeyer, and thank you for joining me.”

 

Calming & Coping, Emotional RegulationLauren SpigelmyerComment