Problem Solving

Season 1 - Episode 10

The last step in our emotional intelligence blueprint is problem-solving. Our recent episodes have discussed several steps for self-regulation. Once you put the first 3 into place, this important last step cannot be missed. 

The first 3 steps are:

  1. Learning to categorize emotions

  2. Create a calming corner / Zen Zone

  3. Use calming & coping strategies

Problem-solving is so important. The primary goal is to first learn how to calm yourself down. The important next step is learning to prevent the problem that caused elevated emotions. 

We want kiddos to calm themselves down and also learn to respond differently. This last step helps them learn a replacement behavior or a solution to that particular problem trigger. 

The 4 short steps to problem-solving are discussed in detail in this episode. 
IMPORTANT: Keep this conversation short and sweet. No lecturing. No rambling. 

  • You felt
    This validates their feelings and reduces the potential for defensiveness.

  • I felt
    Builds empathy and compassion, by sharing how their behavior made you feel.

  • Problem
    Identify the actual issue.

  • Solution
    Come up with potential solutions together. When kids are included, they get to take ownership in the problem-solving process. You get buy-in and motivation from them to implement the chosen solution.

Scripts to use for each of these steps:

  • I think you were feeling………

    • Don’t assume.

    • Avoid shaming or blaming words.

  • I was feeling………..

    • Keep it short. No tangents.

  • State the problem.

  • Let’s come up with ideas together to fix this problem.

    • 3 to 5 solutions is a great place to start.

    • ALL ideas are written down, regardless if it’s possible.

    • Pick a solution together.

Imagine life if adults would use these steps with each other! This often doesn’t happen. By teaching this to kids, they will carry this skill forward into their teen and adult life.

I answer this week’s listener question during the episode:  It can be difficult to make self-regulation, etc., basic enough for preschoolers or younger kids as this can be an abstract concept requiring very abstract thinking. 

I give some tips on starting with the basics, then breaking it down for kiddos. 

Try at home tip: Water Intake 

Several of our blog posts discuss similar strategies:
Disarming Communication: Give Children a Problem to Solve
ALL the Coping Strategies for Your Kiddos
The First Step to Emotional Regulation

Are you struggling with behaviors and not sure where to begin? I can help!
Schedule a free discovery call and let me be your Guide. 

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Emotional RegulationLauren SpigelmyerComment